20 years and counting.......

That morning was like any other, or so I thought. The day was Friday, May 19, 1995. I woke up as normal to get ready for school. As I left my room I looked across the hall and noticed that mom was still in bed, "That's weird," I thought, "Mom was supposed to go into work early today." I quickly dismissed the thought and figured that I must have been mistaken. 

As I hopped in the shower and continued to get ready for school I began thinking of the week before. Last Sunday was mother's day and we (Mom, my younger brother Matt and I) had made an impromptu trip to see my Grandma Roake in Oregon City. During the trip we had discussed and decided that it was time to leave our 'old' life in Chehalis and move to Portland to be closer to my mom's family. There was so much baggage and financial burden that we were carrying and it seemed there was no reason to stay. As I thought about this new start a sense of relief swept over me, because I knew how stressed my mom had been lately.

Soon I finished in the bathroom and headed to my room to get my school stuff. As I passed mom's room I noticed she was still not up. Even if she wasn't going to work early she should be up by now. I peeked in the door, "Mom", I said, "Are you getting up?" No answer. Mom was laying on the bed in her pajamas with the covers kicked off and one leg was hanging off the bed. I went in to shake her and still nothing. 

At this point I really started to freak out! Mom wasn't waking up; she wasn't even moving! Fear entered my mind and clouded my vision. I had no idea what to do! I ran to talk to Matt who was just starting to get out of bed. "Mom's not waking up!" I yelled, "You continue trying to wake her and I'll call Harry & Lucy." I couldn't think of what else to do, Harry and Lucy were like grandparents to Matt and me and they lived in town. I thought they would be able to help.

"Hello," Lucy answered groggily. I could tell my phone call had woken her up, but that didn't matter to me right now. 

"Mom won't wake up! I don't know what to do!" I stumbled through my words because I wasn't thinking clearly.

"Call 911 and Harry and I will be there as soon as we can." Lucy responded.

As I called 911 and told them about my mom I realized that I knew what had happened, but I still refused to believe it. My mom was dead and life would never be the same.

Picture of my mom and brothers before she passed away.

Today, as I close my eyes and relive this moment that changed my life forever it still brings tears to my eyes. Then I am able to look at where God has brought me since then and it brings Romans 8:28 to life. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who Love Him." 

This event in my life that Satan used to harm me, God turned around to bring good. That's the beauty of a relationship with God. Finding my mom dead at the age of 13, could have sent me to depths that would be hard to come back from. As I look back at all of the things that happened that day and the days afterward I can see God's hand leading me and protecting me. From Harry & Lucy taking my brother and I for the day, to my Grandma Roake offering to take us in and let us live with her. Now today I am blessed with a life and family I could never have imagined. 



Why do people die before their time? I've heard that question many times. It is hard to lose people, especially when you are so close to them. Some people try and answer the question and say that God wanted them early, but that is not true. It is never God's will that someone dies. Death is a result of sin and the fall of man. 

I don't have all the answers, but there are a couple of things that I do know: God Loves us all and He can't do evil. He is just and good. I also know that God will give you the strength to go through whatever comes your way, but you have to give it to Him. He wants to help you; He wants to comfort you, and if you let Him, He will bring good out of every situation. 

I know it may seem hard at first, truthfully, it may be hard for a long time. It may take a while before you see any good, but if you put your faith in Him and thank Him for what He has done for you, you will see good come out of your situation.

Acts 5:38-39

Acts 5:38-39 - “Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.”

It is very important that we follow God in all we do in life. This message here was specifically referring to the disciples. When the religious leader wanted to kill them or throw them into prison , this man stood up and presented this argument. If what they are doing is from man it will fail; if what they are doing is from God it is unstoppable.

This same message is true for us as well. We know that we want to serve God and fulfill the plan He has for us. Sometimes we get so excited for it that we jump into it prematurely. We are given a glimpse of what God has for us and forget to wait for His timing.In this case you can be doing all the right things, or so it seems, but you are not following God. It was your own idea. If this is the case you will struggle and grow weary in what you are doing.

On the flip side though, if you are focusing on God and His leading and acting in His will you will succeed, no matter who or what may come at you. You will run and not grow weary. If God is in what you are doing He will give you the strength and drive to keep going. For we know that if God is for us, no one can stand against us. Make sure that you are serving Him for Him and not for yourself. Let the Spirit lead you in your words and deeds.